Proud Reprofitcan $ays: AMERICA - Profit or Leave It!

War Profit$ are *Hard Werk* (*TM Pending) but SOMEBODY'S gotta accrue it! Conveniently, that's exactly what we Reprofitcan$ were Intelligently Designed for! Glory!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Your Host,

Sunday, August 28, 2005

THE COOL THING ABOUT BEING REPUBLICAN

I swear to you, I found this upbeat little essay over at absolutely the most incongruous place in the world for Fair and Balanced True Facts (TM Pending) such as these: that LIEberal web site DemocraticUnderground! It's a fact-packed exposition how totally cool we Reprofitcan$ are
--and they LOVED it!
mrfocus, the author, is obviously one of our own; and on top of posting this marvelous treatise and those Fascists not taking it down, the Democraps chose it for their home page AND welcomed him with open arms! Incredible!
I think our mission is finally working, they're finally getting it! We've at long last talked Profit $ense (TM Pending) into those do-goody-for-your-fellow-man Progressives and they're coming "home"!
Not IN our Homes, of course! Actually we're sticking them in the old "disused" slave quarters (and moved Horatio and Maria Rosa & their dozen or so surviving kids to the outhouse). Said unfortunate, but unavoidable outbuildings all set far back from the ole McMansion ...you wouldn't want to see that (Demo)crap from the road, would you? I mean, talk about harming property values!!
You didn't think we'd actually let any of them actually become entitled, did you, you silly ducks?! Of course you didn't! Who would serve us, then??!
Still, call me Negative-Nelly, but the big problem now is who are we going to find to vilify in place of these fools... er I mean our 'now-comrades'? *snicker*
Rush and Sean, Falafel and Faux, MAnn and the various other cheerleaders all have lifetime contracts (secret, of course - shhh! :), and face it, those people are no good at anything except spouting bigotry and fomenting hatred. In any other capacity, they're useless. Dammit guys, I'm serious -- they're prepaid contracts!! We'll lose all that already-spent propaganda money hand-over-fist!

Hmmm.... hummmmm.... what to do, what to do....
I KNOW!! ---we'll now really hate THE CANADIANS!!!
HOO-YA!
(That, or we just 'take 'em all out' 'a la Pat Robertson
--the Pundits, not the Canadians, silly! :)
PAT knows the morality and ethicality of cost-driven murder! I mean, really, what's important here?!
Pat's been telling us for years that Commandment #VI really is:
"Thou Shalt Not Kill (Unless It $aves the Rich $heckles!)"
(I deserve a big fat multi-million bonus for both those $aves -- and I'll get them, too :)
Anyhow, here ya go -- take a peek at Internets History!
Enjoy!

You can have your VERY OWN set of facts in a totally separate alternate reality!

In Republican World (TM), outing a CIA agent to punish her husband for speaking out against Bush is a clever political maneuver, while voicing any criticism of the war in Iraq or the war on terror is blatantly unpatriotic, treasonous and outright indefensible.

In Republican World (TM), lying about WMDs and 'fixing intelligence around war plans' that ultimately killed more than 1,800 troops and up to 100,000 civilians does nothing to damage the reputation of the US, but a Newsweek article that causes riots and approximately 15 deaths is the scandal of the century.

In Republican World (TM), getting over 200 of your judicial nominees approved while seven of the most extreme and incompetent are blocked is an unconstitutional and un-American farce while blocking or bottling up in committee SIXTY SEVEN of Clinton's nominees was good politics.

In Republican World (TM), your kids won't have to pay down a multi-trillion dollar national debt, only kids of liberals have to contribute.

In Republican World (TM), you are biologically immune to mercury and arsenic poisoning and can gleefully endorse the continued dumping of these toxins into the environment as it will cause peripheral neuropathy and a host of other diseases only in liberals.

In Republican World (TM), you get affordable health care and don't have to worry about going bankrupt because of catastrophic medical bills, even as HMOs are recording record profits and are paying their CEOs up to $124 MILLION / year, while at the same raising rates between 15% and 30% year over year.

In Republican World (TM), lying about a blowjob is an impeachable offense, but lying about WMD and sending troops to die is the patriotic duty of the Commander in Chief.

In Republican World (TM), a woman with a liquefied cerebral cortex is reason enough to get agitated and proclaim to belong to a 'culture of life', while ignoring a whole genocide in Darfur is not considered rancid hypocrisy.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Pentagon Reviews Probe of Tillman Death

And why not, I say?  Let's get that Casey kid out of the news, and put someone FAMOUS in! 
And, as we don't have any rich man's son killed in this war, let's go for the famous ones!

Which he was -- Tillman was most definitely famous; which is close to (but of course not quite) as important as being RICH.
 
In any event, as such he deserves much more airtime than some poor, middle-class, anonymous kid!
 
As for Casey Sheehan's case, hell, we don't owe his mother any kind of answer whatsoever!  Who the hell does she think she IS anyways?  Rich??!
Hell no!  So let's continue to trash her every chance we can!
After all ... her 'exploiting' him (as we Reprofitcan's claim) for Michael Moore's Left-wing agenda is Bad.
Us exploiting Tillman for our Blessed, God-Approved Right Wing propaganda

...er, Reprofitcan Talking Points;   no that's not it

...er, Righteous Moral Outrage  (yeah that's the ticket!)

is perfectly fine -- in fact it's an absolute Good!!   

No matter that he was a truly good, decent and caring human being and that he would have hated this kind of special attention!  In fact, as mentioned and will be mentioned again, his renown works even more in for our side! 

Did I mention he was FAMOUS? 

We say how humiliating and embarassing it must be for poor dead Casey to somehow witness the shame of his mother daring to want answers as to why, for what "good reasons" he died; but we sure as hell don't care about how poor dead Casey must feel, watching from his grave, about all our pundits trashing his beloved, grieving mother 24 hours a day/7 days a week; calling her everything from a Hag to a Whore!
 
...and we'll do it for years if we have to!!! 
...If you let us get away with it...

I'm sure Casey is much more behind us than he is supporting his selfish, attention-grabbing mother!
 
That's our story, and they're actually reporting all that!
Glory to God!  Glory to OUR own personal *RIGHTeous* God!  YEE-HAW!
 

Ain't America great???  Ain't American  media GREAT?
Oops!  I mean ain't American LIEberal media BAD?
 
(Whew -- I gotta stop doing that!)

Proud Reprofitcan answers yet more Bulletin/Message board posts

<<< H--- (tubbi) wrote:
<<< B--- wrote:
First he can't spell, second can't make decitions and third can't think straight.
I guess cocaine really has true long lasting effects.>>>

(Tubbi, in response):
<<<< You obviously can't spell either. Calling Bush names and showing
disrespect to our President doesn't stop the war. No one likes
being in this war-but we stand behind our President because
he is doing what it takes to promote freedom worldwide. Don't
you like the freedom to speak your mind?>>>
ProudReprofitcan writes:
Way to go tubbi!
One obvious touch-type style typo and you slammed that darn LIEberal poster on spelling! You GO BOI!
You keep that up, you'll get an honorable mention in the glorious rolls of Reprofitcan Obfuscation *TradeMark Pending*
Congrats!

I'm also impressed you got to work in that primo talking point word: Freedom! Twice in four sentences!

Even better, you deftly worked in *worldwide freedom*, all the while sidestepping the issues regarding the massive problems, in every area; economic, social, corporate, energy, the Poor (Ugh! You made me say that four-letter word! You owe me an insider-trading stock tip! --and don't worry, I'm a red, no GREEN-blooded American Alpha Male, so there's no chance of you or I going to prison like that Stewart woman... imagine, a glorified housewife who thinks she can run with the big boys! Damn uppity women should keep their place -- the KITCHEN, AND their mouths shut! *Harumph*)
Oops sorry lost my place with that righteous, entitled bombast! Let's see: *ahem*
...while sidestepping the massive problems that are ripping this country apart!

AND for dessert closed with a little good old-fashioned half-accusatory/half-whine guilt trip 'don't you like freedom?' My Conservative Christian (what else? :) mother (bless her second-class little womanly heart!) would be proud!
You ARE a pro! I tip my Reprofitcan crown to you! *applause*
See you at the club!

Proud Reprofitcan answers some (more) bulletin board posts

<<< A--- wrote: 

   Do you actually believe the war in Iraq is going to promote freedom worldwide? With the enemies this war in Iraq has caused making us the most hated nation on earth and you are looking for worldwide freedom. It will take many years for this country to be respected again as it was when Clinton was president or for that matter any of the last forty two presidents
.>>> 
PR's response:

Yes, but Clintoon got a blow job! 
That certainly trumps constant, pathological lying, rampant cronyism, warmongering and unabashed unlimited profiteering ANY day of the Kompassionate Konservative Khristian (*TradeMark Pending*) week!

Have you no morals?  Have you no Reprofitcan Ethics?  (*TradeMark Pending*)

...you're obviously one of the poor (Ugh!) so I'm going to stop condescending to talk to you.  You ought to learn your place, go fight our Righteous Preemptive Profiteering *TM Pending* Wars instituted by God's Chosen One Himself, George W Bush (Glory!) and learn not to talk back to (in fact not speak at all until you're spoken at) your betters!

Proud Reprofitcan answers some bulliten board posts

<<< L-- wrote: 
G.W. Bush did not get us into Iraq, how easy everyone forgets.  Clinton was bombing Iraq long before G.W. got into office. 
 >>> 
 
That's right!  You tell those LIEberals an incomplete story -- you're so good at it, make it two!

Hey -- what they don't know won't hurt us
YEE-HAW!

...and *applause* to you too for 'forgetting' to mention that the predecessor to Clintoon was the father of God's Chosen One, His Most Royal Highness (in more ways than one!*wink wink*) King George W. Bush:  George the First and Forty-First, aka George Herbert Walker Bush. 
 
How clever of you, unintentionally I'm sure *nudge nudge*, to exclude a president
--more importantly another Bush-- 
who invaded Iraq long before the oval-office Clintoon was a nasty pearly gleam in Monica Lewinsky's little eye ...and stain on her not-so-little blue dress!

Yet not even George the First, with his impeccable inbred Reprofitcan, war-profiteering breeding (oh, synonyms, sorry) and his Holding of the Office of the RIGHTeous and God-Fearing Glorious Christian-Nation CIA;
even with his daring invasion of Iraq,
was audacious enough or had big enough cahones to preemptively invade that sovereign country!
 
NO... George the Elder even was so pusillanimous and lily-livered as to go through the Irrelevant U.N.!!!

SURELY HRH George W Bush, George the Second (but the Greatest!) is not that weak, wimpy mortal's son but Truly the Sacred Offspring of the Holy Spirit! 

Glory!!!
 

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Support Our Great President! Support the Reprofitcan Party!

But support the Troops?! You sad, silly, Poor People! You can't have it both ways!

The 2nd week after the start of The Glorious Crusade-ful Holy Iraq War Part Doo (*TM Pending) Our Great Leader and Reprofitcan Congress cut Veteran Benefits (Why? Because we, the rich, needed yet more tax breaks! Duh!) all the while exhorting you Poor People to Support Our Troops!
Who says GW's not clever? :)
--Just more strong, moral, ethical leadership by The Best President Ever (*TM Pending*). Glory!

That hag Sheehan just cannot comprehend that when other priorities arise --such as Profit$!-- we need your otherwise useless, poor children to immolate themselves on the honorable, sanctified battlefield for our glory and to increase our accumulation of wealth!
For their sacrifice, these soldiers will be remembered, but preferably not by name -- Our Magnanimous Leader doesn't like that LIEberal upstart Ted Koppel unfrequently reading their names out on TV those late Friday nights when nobody's watching. How is nationally recognizing their individual ultimate sacrifice supporting them, I ask you?? Just more hysteric, Left-wing Democrap propaganda!
Mein Leader won't even let pictures of their coffins be taken, just in case someone might actually think there are (former) young American citizens inside! "World Bank" Wolfowitz tried to tell King George it could be spun rather like Schroedinger's Box -- only not if the denizen is alive or dead, but if there's anyone in there at all! The Best Man In the World couldn't quite understand what Wolfie was getting at... but that's to be expected as He delegated all his thinking, critical or otherwise, to Rove (and Karl certainly knows better than to even try to explain any "science" or "philosophy" to Marvelous George if it's not in the Old Testament!)
Still, for their sacrifice, these soldiers will be remembered, somehow. We'll get around to that one of these days, just as soon as we completely win the War on Terra AND the War on Drugs...
We WILL remember...
Um... what was I saying??
Anyhow...
This Sheehan traitor should be pondering, as she putters around her kitchen, on how grateful she should be that her son died for so many good reasons!
Why, Wolfowitz (ibid) alone gave THREE!
What matter if these reasons aren't grounded in any type of REALITY?!
If Our Great President merely pronounces the words, that automatically makes it so!
You Poor People are also Poor in Faith towards the omnipotence and divinity of our Most Holy Commander-In-Chief! Really, it's so obvious why you are all going to Hell! ...but then, and I hate to be blunt darlings, but you're destined to anyhow so TRY not to worry!
Imagine, Poor People allowed into OUR Heaven!!
If GOD-His-Omnipotent-Self hand-picked George W Bush to lead this Konservative Khristian Kountry --aka KKK-- (*TM Pending*) who are you NOT to believe? That's why you heretics are permanently doomed to exist in that well-deserved poverty where you so aptly belong!

To close on a warmer, fuzzier note -- unless you feel we, your wealthy betters (Department of Redundancy Department!) are not living up to our self-appelation of Compassionate Conservatives, and if you're still upset about Poor Casey Sheehan, here's a nice, Buddhist, comforting thought for you:
Even cannons need fodder! ...you don't want to starve our war machines, do you???
Glory!