Proud Reprofitcan $ays: AMERICA - Profit or Leave It!

War Profit$ are *Hard Werk* (*TM Pending) but SOMEBODY'S gotta accrue it! Conveniently, that's exactly what we Reprofitcan$ were Intelligently Designed for! Glory!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

THE COOL THING ABOUT BEING REPUBLICAN

I swear to you, I found this upbeat little essay over at absolutely the most incongruous place in the world for Fair and Balanced True Facts (TM Pending) such as these: that LIEberal web site DemocraticUnderground! It's a fact-packed exposition how totally cool we Reprofitcan$ are
--and they LOVED it!
mrfocus, the author, is obviously one of our own; and on top of posting this marvelous treatise and those Fascists not taking it down, the Democraps chose it for their home page AND welcomed him with open arms! Incredible!
I think our mission is finally working, they're finally getting it! We've at long last talked Profit $ense (TM Pending) into those do-goody-for-your-fellow-man Progressives and they're coming "home"!
Not IN our Homes, of course! Actually we're sticking them in the old "disused" slave quarters (and moved Horatio and Maria Rosa & their dozen or so surviving kids to the outhouse). Said unfortunate, but unavoidable outbuildings all set far back from the ole McMansion ...you wouldn't want to see that (Demo)crap from the road, would you? I mean, talk about harming property values!!
You didn't think we'd actually let any of them actually become entitled, did you, you silly ducks?! Of course you didn't! Who would serve us, then??!
Still, call me Negative-Nelly, but the big problem now is who are we going to find to vilify in place of these fools... er I mean our 'now-comrades'? *snicker*
Rush and Sean, Falafel and Faux, MAnn and the various other cheerleaders all have lifetime contracts (secret, of course - shhh! :), and face it, those people are no good at anything except spouting bigotry and fomenting hatred. In any other capacity, they're useless. Dammit guys, I'm serious -- they're prepaid contracts!! We'll lose all that already-spent propaganda money hand-over-fist!

Hmmm.... hummmmm.... what to do, what to do....
I KNOW!! ---we'll now really hate THE CANADIANS!!!
HOO-YA!
(That, or we just 'take 'em all out' 'a la Pat Robertson
--the Pundits, not the Canadians, silly! :)
PAT knows the morality and ethicality of cost-driven murder! I mean, really, what's important here?!
Pat's been telling us for years that Commandment #VI really is:
"Thou Shalt Not Kill (Unless It $aves the Rich $heckles!)"
(I deserve a big fat multi-million bonus for both those $aves -- and I'll get them, too :)
Anyhow, here ya go -- take a peek at Internets History!
Enjoy!

You can have your VERY OWN set of facts in a totally separate alternate reality!

In Republican World (TM), outing a CIA agent to punish her husband for speaking out against Bush is a clever political maneuver, while voicing any criticism of the war in Iraq or the war on terror is blatantly unpatriotic, treasonous and outright indefensible.

In Republican World (TM), lying about WMDs and 'fixing intelligence around war plans' that ultimately killed more than 1,800 troops and up to 100,000 civilians does nothing to damage the reputation of the US, but a Newsweek article that causes riots and approximately 15 deaths is the scandal of the century.

In Republican World (TM), getting over 200 of your judicial nominees approved while seven of the most extreme and incompetent are blocked is an unconstitutional and un-American farce while blocking or bottling up in committee SIXTY SEVEN of Clinton's nominees was good politics.

In Republican World (TM), your kids won't have to pay down a multi-trillion dollar national debt, only kids of liberals have to contribute.

In Republican World (TM), you are biologically immune to mercury and arsenic poisoning and can gleefully endorse the continued dumping of these toxins into the environment as it will cause peripheral neuropathy and a host of other diseases only in liberals.

In Republican World (TM), you get affordable health care and don't have to worry about going bankrupt because of catastrophic medical bills, even as HMOs are recording record profits and are paying their CEOs up to $124 MILLION / year, while at the same raising rates between 15% and 30% year over year.

In Republican World (TM), lying about a blowjob is an impeachable offense, but lying about WMD and sending troops to die is the patriotic duty of the Commander in Chief.

In Republican World (TM), a woman with a liquefied cerebral cortex is reason enough to get agitated and proclaim to belong to a 'culture of life', while ignoring a whole genocide in Darfur is not considered rancid hypocrisy.

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